DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME
I hope everyone had a safe and happy New Year. I hope you start your year off right. I hope you are continuing on your path to success and get all that you want and deserve out of this life. Welcome to 2021.
A quick message today about how to stop wasting time and how to avoid big problems and disappointments down the line when dating this year. The message is mostly targeted at people who are interested in dating men or are currently dating men. Some of it applies to people dating females or interested in females.
How the message came thru:
A man you are interested in dating should be single, have a car or reliable transportation, have a job or reliable source of income, turns down any loans or opportunities for financial help from you as their mate, and shows a desire to help you and your kids (if you have them.) And they shouldn’t hover around a baby momma or an ex. Once again, just the messenger here. I personally don’t get into telling you who to date and who not to date, that’s your choice. But God has a few suggestions for you to keep you from wasting valuable time that you really don’t have to waste. It will help to keep you from investing time and energy into situation that won’t yield any real fruit.
1: A car or reliable means of transportation:
If he doesn’t have a car or reliable means of transportation, you should pass until he gets that together. I think this excludes people who live in places like NYC where using subways and public transportation might actually be faster, cheaper, and more reliable than owning a car. Public transportation, if reliable, is reliable transportation. The thought is, to avoid someone who will need a ride every two seconds, ask to borrow your vehicle, or have difficulty coming to see you, or making it out to a date; especially if you are a single mother. Don’t waste your time. He can walk it, bike it, Uber, bus, something. He needs to be able to get around on his own without your help.
2: A job or reliable means of income:
Your dude should have a job or a reliable source of income. If he isn’t working 40hrs a week, he should be working 40hrs a week trying to find a job or working at least 40hrs a week, trying to build his own business/brand, or doing his own thing to make money. I didn’t say what job he needed to be doing. That’s not the point. He can be a janitor or he can be Wesley Deeds. What matters is that he’s getting his 40 hrs of time in. Not how much he makes.
3: Should be cool about kids
Will he help you with your kids? If your kids have a scrape or bruise does he jump in to help the kid? If the kid asks your friend for help with games, toys, tying shoes, homework, reaching something they can’t reach, does he jump in to help? Does he kick in if you are running low on food for your little tribe? Or is he burdening you and your little tribe? Does he have the patience and tolerance for kids? You shouldn’t waste time dating dudes who don’t want to be around your kids. This is actually true whether you have kids or not, because if you don’t have kids now, you may want kids in the future. Don’t waste time with dudes who don’t want to deal with kids, present or future. The exception, is if you both don’t want to deal with kids or are beyond that stage in your life.
4: Should have a helpful demeanor:
Is he constantly trying to help you without being asked? Is he trying to drop stuff off for you or you and your kids to be kind or to help out? When you do ask, does he try to help? And I’m talking about everything except money. But there are some dudes that help with that too. Although that’s not what’s meant. If he helps that way, that’s a good thing. What is implied though, is more like fixing a fence. Changing a tire. Helping you with something around the crib. Helping you get to and from work. Helping you with your transportation situation if you have one. Is he helpful like that? He should be.
5: Should be single, not married, and not in a relationship:
Save yourself a heap of problems, let downs and disappointments. Save yourself the trouble of any messy situations. Just move on. Don’t waste time on that divorce that seems to never come. Don’t think that you will be the one to reform him and make him leave his partner for you. Why would you do that? So, you can be the next victim in relationship with him? As soon as you think you are in a real relationship with him, he’ll just turn around and cheat on you.
He might even go back to the one he left you for. Even worse, him and the woman he’s with, might be in on it, laughing at you for thinking he was ever really going to leave to begin with. It’s usually a mess. It’s normally a waste of time. It will most likely end in disappointment. Even if you tell yourself, you ain’t trying to be in no relationship with him and you just want the dick, it’s still going to end in disappointment. Because it won’t be available to you like it is to his real mate, on deck and ready when you want it. That will eventually make you jealous, maybe. Stop wasting time on dudes who are taken.
6. Don’t waste time on dudes who hover around their baby momma’s (this goes for both men and women)
When I say hovering, that means being in constant contact with baby momma and it’s not business or money related. That includes stalking the baby momma virtually or in reality. That means constantly on social media with them or checking them out there. He might complain about baby momma’s new man or relationship often. He tries to stay in the baby momma’s life as much as possible. He tries to control the baby momma’s life from a distance. He still verbally communicates with baby momma even when there is no emergency. If your man and his baby momma are constantly talking or texting to each other over bullshit. (meaning it’s not about the money or business) give him a chance to get it right, but bounce immediately until he let’s you know he’s ready to correct his behavior. They try to use the kids or the fact that they have kids to disrespect the relationship. That’s like trying to justify talking to another chic because they both wear shoes. Who doesn’t wear shoes? That’s no excuse.
7. If He or his baby momma are constantly using the kids as an excuse to hang out with each other or “meet up.” Don’t waste time with him. If they try to disrespect the game by allowing drop offs and pick-ups of the kids, from each, others homes, versus some public location in between, like the nearest Walmart or from school or some shit like that, don’t put up with that nonsense. That’s actually pretty messy and if he or his baby momma are really trying to be with a different partner, they should respect their partners and keep drop offs public, quick, and fast like drive thru at McDonalds. Take your fries and go. It’s better if he can just get em’ from school or she can just get the kids from school. (once that starts up full time again.)
You shouldn’t have to deal with seeing her or him interacting or even making the exchange. They shouldn’t be interacting on any level, unless it’s about business and money. If they give you a line about how they need to talk about this and that, and it’s not about money or business, bounce. They are still in love or one of them is. They both know it’s disrespectful, and neither person is willing to do anything to show you the proper respect. Personally, I think if y’all can all get along and be chill, and find away around the dumb shit, more power to you. If not, it needs to be more like what I said before.
Does he constantly ask to borrow money? Does he reject any offers from you to pay his way for anything? If he’s always begging? Help him get that work, don’t loan more than $50 without a formal contract with a picture ID and a signature. Capture the deal on video camera with your phone too. Don’t fall for that, “We should be better than that jazz.” Don’t do it. Help or don’t help, but this is God’s message for you.
I guess it’s meant to protect you in some way. In general, if he always has his hand out for something, this isn’t a good sign. If you see the man literally break his arm because he falls down the stairs, and it caused him to lose his job, ok, maybe help a little, but when the dude is fully capable, not so much. Any dude that is fully capable, needs to look at # 2 and # 4 above. If you’ve always known him to be on his grind though, you can use your own discretion.
9: You ever date a dude and his mom be acting like she’s his damn girlfriend? They are up under each other 24/7 or on the phone 24/7??? Like what? She instantly starts hating on you and being rude because she can’t stand the thought of him being with you. She can’t stand the thought of him turning his attention towards you and popping her titty out his mouth. You ever date a chic and see they dads act like that?
They act like they are the boyfriend and start hating on you instantly. They act like they want to be the romantic lead in their daughter’s lives? They too, are operating from the same place of fear. A fear of being replaced, out shined, or out done in some way. And you are just thinking to yourself, “Why is this bitch or this bitch ass dude acting so much like a bitch?” It’s fear. They’re using their children for some kind of resource whether emotional, financial, or something. There might even be some Antwone Fischer shit going on. Either way, you threaten their plans in some way. Don’t waste your time with these people. There are too many other moms out there that are normal and will treat you with respect and kindness, and have no desire to interfere in your relationship. There are too many good fathers out there that embrace the fella’s with courtesy and respect and have no desire to interfere.
10. That is some seriously creepy shit. You need to move on from anybody who still sucking on they momma’s titty. And dudes need to move on from any female still sucking her dad's titties. The reason you should move on from people like this, is because they are too easily influenced by their parents. If their parents tell them the sky is made of cheese and the grass is made out of chocolate, they’ll believe it. They may have the physical form of an adult, but mentally and emotionally, they are still children. Children aren’t ready for adult relationships. Don’t waste time on him her or their creepy ass parents. If the woman or the man you are dating is that creepy ass parent, MOVE ON.
side note for any fellas that happened to slide though and read this:
If your girl is doing well for herself and is making more than you; and isn't a bitch about it, don't hate, take notes. I did.
If anything, humble yourself, maybe God brought her into your life to give you some game you can use for yourself. When I was in my young 20’s, I’d date chicks that was like 40-45, just to soak up as much game as I could from them. Might be a minute, might be a month, might be a year or two. I was learning, studying, observing, watching the whole time though. I had girls my own age, but I wouldn't restrict myself to any certain age or color when it came to females, I’ve always been that way. I paid attention to every syllable; every action. Some of my male friends were around the same age. (OG'S) I did the same with them. I paid attention to every single syllable, every mannerism, every action, every word. I was soaking up so much game you would’ve thought I was a crook. I really had some cool teachers on my path. I guess I’m trying to say be thankful for people that come in to your life like that. You can learn a lot from people you think you can’t learn from. Men can learn a whole bunch from the right kind of females. If they got it, and aint’ being bitches about what they got, don’t hate, take notes. There are a lot of people that took the time to school me, when they didn’t have to. Remember that when you have people around you trying to help you.
I remember this one tall Redboned chick from New York. She was like 46, but her body was like a 20 year old; but it in really good shape. She had like 27 abs. She’d get carded for alcohol, with all grey hair. Just a real live vampire type, a real, queen of the damned type. She was really nice tho, far from evil. She never even worked out, she just walked a lot. She looked nearly identical to Halle Berry in the Xmen, but with hazel eyes. Although she had white hair, she looked 20 in the face.
She was in better shape and looked better than her 20 something year old daughters, and her daughters were fine as hell. I really love grey hair for some reason. Ever since I was in grade school, I’ve been attracted to grey hair. (weird I know) I never forgot her though. She, I think was born to be a comedian, because all we did was laugh about nearly everything. But on occasions she’d get serious and have these long 5hr conversations with me and would be dropping knowledge, that I’m still using till this day. She’s just one of the many people on my path that took time to break shit down for me and school me a little bit. My point is, if you have really giving, generous, loving, caring, females in your life, don’t take them for granted. Try to treat them right if you can. Only if they treat you right tho.
If I was to be completely honest, I learned something from every single female I've dated, from the whole spectrum of ages and colors. My dating history looks like the United Nations. Kind of like the rapper "Plies" in his song, "I'm not a racist." If YOU find you a cool ass female, who's not a bitch, maybe it would be wise to take notes. If you feel some kind of way about her doing better than you financially, you need to realize, that you have personal issues, that you need to work on, that cause you to feel that way. It's not her. Try to be happy for her. Most likely you could be making more than her, she's just doing something different and you haven't figured out where your lane is yet. You will though. She has the same 24hrs in a day that you have. How is she spending her time and how are you spending your time? In the meantime soak up the game she has. Just don't leave yo grandma around me tho, that shit ain't safe, especially if she got grey hair. PROVERBS 31, 10-31
That’s basically it. Seems pretty short and uninvolved, maybe this will help. Your personal list of qualifications will most likely be a bit more detailed than this. These are 10 simple suggestions (not commandments) to help keep you from falling victim to any unnecessary drama or bullshit. You don’t have to follow the suggestions, they are only meant to protect you, not restrict you in anyway. You can make your own mind up on how to deal with your dude. I guess these few simple things can save you a lot of heartache down the line. They are definitely meant to prevent you from wasting valuable time. You’re not going to live forever; you may not even live to a ripe old age. Spend your time wisely. Don’t waste it. Don’t forget, choose your size wisely as well. Thanks for taking time to visit. Have a lovely day :)